In the world of psychological therapy, compassion and empathy serve as foundational elements for therapists. This is no less true in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. However, rather than viewing compassion and empathy as being uniformly desirable feeling states and characteristics of therapists, IFS holds a much more nuanced perspective. I thought it would be helpful to offer some insights into how these qualities operate within the IFS framework, shedding light on their optimal use to foster healing. This topic has been written about by IFS Founder, Richard Schwartz, and prominent IFS Therapists, Frank Anderson and Alexia Rothman, and this is my understanding based on my extensive clinical experience.
First, a couple of definitions. Empathy refers to the ability to understand and feel the emotional experience of another. I understand empathy as a "feeling with" experience. Compassion, on the other hand, extends beyond understanding to include a genuine desire to alleviate suffering. Compassion is then a "feel for" experience. Both qualities are necessary in therapeutic settings however, in IFS the balance of when to utilise one or the other (or both) is key to maximising therapeutic efficacy.
Empathy is crucial for establishing the therapeutic relationship, and therefore some kind of fundamental trust between the therapist and the client. By attuning to the client's emotions, therapists demonstrate an understanding that fosters a deep sense of safety. In IFS, this connection encourages clients to access the qualities of Self (the 8cs), allowing them to approach their parts with curiosity and care rather than judgment. However, empathy, when overextended, this can lead to challenges. Therapists may risk over-identifying with their clients' struggles, by overlaying their own struggles and life experiences onto the clients, potentially diminishing the client's sense of agency (as a supervisor of many therapists, I have seen this innumerable times). Therefore it is vital that therapists carefully calibrate how much empathy they provide in a session with the goal being to offer enough empathy to create a supportive environment without inadvertently overshadowing the client's active engagement in their healing process, or overlaying the therapist's personal experience onto the client. For example, an adult client may present for treatment following the death of a parent. When recounting their grief over the loss, the therapist may become activated because a part of them is holding unprocessed grief over a similar loss in their life, and they suddenly become tearful. In IFS terms, the exile of the client is activated over the grief, and the exile of the therapist becomes activated in response. Empathy between exiles - although understandable - could be counter-therapeutic.
Compassion is a hallmark of Self-energy in IFS and plays a transformative role in the therapeutic process. Therapists can model this compassion by maintaining a warm, open, and nonjudgmental presence. This approach not only supports the client in their journey but also creates a mirror for them to develop compassion for themselves. As clients connect with their Self, they develop the capacity to relate to their parts with compassion rather than empathy (or, "feeling for" rather than "feeling with"). This shift often leads to profound changes, such as re-negotiating protective roles within the system or unburdening wounded parts.
This distinction between empathy and compassion and how they work together is vital. Empathy is essential for understanding a client’s experience, but excessive empathy can lead to emotional burnout for therapists or a dissolution of boundaries within the therapeutic relationship (i.e., what experience belongs to whom). Compassion, on the other hand, sustains the therapist’s ability to remain present and effective while providing support that encourages growth. For instance, in cases where clients struggle with deeply entrenched fears or protective parts, therapists may encounter resistance or defensive behaviors. In such scenarios, maintaining compassion allows the therapist to approach the client’s parts with patience and persistence, inviting collaboration rather than confrontation.
Given the above, here are the practical applications of my understanding of empathy and compassion within the IFS framework:
Creating a Safe Space: Empathy helps build the trust necessary for clients to feel safe in sharing their experiences. By witnessing and validating their part's emotions and perspectives, therapists can guide clients toward a deeper understanding of their internal parts.
Encouraging Self-Compassion: Therapists can model compassionate interactions with clients' parts, encouraging them to adopt a similar stance. This modeling helps clients transition from critical and judgmental attitudes toward themselves to a more compassionate internal dialogue.
Avoiding Over-Identification: Over-identifying with clients’ emotions, which can blur professional boundaries and ultimately lead to diminished therapeutic effectiveness. Maintaining a balance allows therapists to remain attuned without compromising their ability to guide the process.
Facilitating Unburdening: Compassion is especially vital during the unburdening process, the transformational steps of the IFS model. It ensures that both the client and the therapist approach vulnerable parts with the gentleness needed for healing.
While empathy and compassion are powerful tools, they must be wielded thoughtfully. Common challenges include:
Facilitating Burnout in Therapists: Over-empathising can lead to emotional fatigue, reducing the therapist’s capacity to remain effective over time. Therapists need to differentiate between when they are experiencing their own material and when they are confusing that with the client's experience (see the above example).
Dependency in Clients: Excessive empathy may inadvertently foster dependence on the therapist rather than empowering clients to access their qualities of Self-energy.
Avoidance of Difficult Emotions**: Therapists may shy away from exploring difficult emotions or conflicts within the client’s parts to maintain harmony, potentially stalling progress.
Self-awareness and ongoing supervision are critical for therapists to navigate these challenges. Regularly checking in with their internal systems ensures that therapists can bring their full presence to the therapeutic relationship.
Compassion and empathy are both integral to the transformative potential of the IFS model. While cultivating a compassionate presence is a cornerstone of effective IFS therapy, empathy is necessary for the initial creation of the therapeutic environment. By integrating these qualities with intention and care, therapists can create an optimal therapeutic environment where clients feel seen, understood, and empowered to create internal Self-to-part relationships with care.