The "Self" in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

One of the commonalities all human beings share is that we’re all just trying to reach for the highest, truest expression of ourselves. No matter where we come from or what we’ve been through, there’s often a quiet but persistent yearning to live in a way that feels aligned with who we really are.

Having worked with a wide spectrum of clients - from successful multi-millionaires to people who are homeless and battling addiction - I can attest to one thing: everyone comes to therapy with the same basic intention. Underneath all the different life circumstances and challenges, people are seeking connection with their core. They want to feel more whole, authentic, and at peace.

This search is at the heart of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, and it begins with understanding the Self.

What Do We Mean by "Self"?

One of the most powerful assumptions of IFS Therapy, and something that sets IFS aside from other "parts' models, is the belief that every person has a Self. This Self is not something we have to invent, earn, or construct through years of hard work. Instead, it is something that already exists within us, waiting to be accessed.

The Self is who we truly are at our core when all of our inner Parts are separate and are not overwhelming us. It is an embodied state characterized by what IFS calls the 8 C’s:

• Compassion

• Curiosity

• Clarity

• Creativity

• Calm

• Confidence

• Courage

• Connectedness

  
  

Unlike many other models of therapy, the Self in Internal Family Systems doesn’t assume that these qualities have to be built or taught as skills from the outside. Instead, they are inherent to the Self. The therapeutic process is less about constructing something new and more about uncovering, remembering, and reconnecting with what is already present. In this way, IFS helps clients excavate the Self so that it can lead their inner system with wisdom, kindness, and balance. The Self not only has access to these qualities, it also knows instinctually how to be with all of the Parts of us.

Why the Concept of Self Resonates So Deeply

Once people wrap their heads around the idea of the Self, and begin to explore the latest neurobiological research on consciousness and embodiment (see the work of Antonio Damasio for a fascinating dive), the concept usually resonates deeply.

Why? Because it touches something universal. Even without the technical language, people intuitively sense that there is something within them that is good, wise, and capable of healing. The popularity of IFS in the last decade is in part due to how strongly this idea connects with people’s lived experience.

Most of us live day-to-day in a “blended” state, where one or more Parts of us temporarily take over and drive our behavior. That might look like a critical voice, a perfectionist pushing, an anxious spiral, or an angry outburst. But underneath all of that, IFS teaches that there is a Self that has the inherent capacity to heal and grow.

This is inspiring because it reminds us that we’re not broken. We don’t have to become someone else to live fully. We just have to reconnect with our Self and allow it to lead as it was naturally meant to.

Self-Energy: Living From the Core

A central goal of IFS is to help people live more from a place of Self-energy. Self-energy is what we experience when we are grounded in those 8 C’s; when compassion, curiosity, clarity, calm, and connectedness are guiding how we relate to both ourselves and others.

Importantly, Self-energy is not a rare or mystical state reserved for a few. It can become a daily practice. But just like showering or brushing your teeth, it requires attention and repetition. Developing Self-energy often involves small, consistent practices such as:

• Journaling to check in with your Parts

• Meditation to center in Self-awareness

• Mindful breathing to calm the nervous system

• Silent inner dialogue to notice and acknowledge Parts from a Self-led stance

  
  

Over time, these practices shift the balance inside. Instead of being run entirely by Parts, people begin to experience life with more openness and flexibility. Self-energy becomes less of a fleeting experience and more of a steady foundation.

The Power of Self-Leadership

When the Self takes the lead, something remarkable can begin to happen: the internal chaos begins to settle. This is what IFS calls Self-leadership.

Self-leadership is about allowing the Self to be in charge of the internal system, guiding the Parts with patience, compassion, and clarity. I think of it like Self is in front leading the way, and the parts are all following behind. It’s not about suppressing or eliminating Parts, but about creating a relationship where each Part feels seen, valued, and supported.

This shift has ripple effects far beyond the inner world. Clients who practice Self-leadership often report:

• Greater emotional regulation

• Deeper compassion in relationships

• Reduced reliance on old coping mechanisms

• Increased confidence in navigating challenges

• A stronger sense of authenticity and purpose

  
  

In many ways, Self-leadership can be a strong expression of what culture calls "mental health". Instead of being dominated by protective or wounded Parts, a person begins to live from their truest Self.

Why the Self Matters for Internal Family Systems Therapy

The idea of the Self and its ability to lead the inner system gives people a new framework for understanding themselves. It removes the stigma of being “broken” and replaces it with the empowering belief that recovery and integration is possible.

For trauma survivors in particular, this can be life-changing. Trauma often convinces people that they are damaged or incapable of change. But the Self offers a counter-truth: there is something within that cannot be harmed inside each of us, which creates a hopeful stance for growth. Of course, this doesn’t mean therapy is easy. I tell clients, "Everything worth having in life is hard word". Excavating Self-energy takes practice and often the support of a therapist trained in IFS. But by connecting with the Self, generating Self-energy, and cultivating Self-leadership, people can begin to experience tangible benefits.

Try this practice

If you’re curious to experience what connection to Self feels like, here’s a simple step: try a guided meditation led by IFS founder Dr. Richard Schwartz. One of his most well-known meditations is called The Path, which you can find here: The Path Meditation on YouTube.

Even a few minutes of slowing down and inviting in Self-energy can shift how you feel. It can also begin to give you a sense of what it might be like to live from Self-leadership more consistently.

At the end of the day, whether they’re struggling with addiction, building a business empire, or simply navigating the everyday ups and downs of life, we're all searching for the same thing: a deeper connection with Self.

Internal Family Systems offers a map back to that place. It teaches us that Self is always present, that Self-energy is always accessible, and that Self-leadership can change not only our inner world, but also our relationships, our communities, and the way we move through life.

And perhaps that’s the most hopeful truth of all: we already have within us everything we need to heal, grow, and thrive.

About the Author

Sean Cuthbert is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychology Board of Australia (PBA) Approved Supervisor, Certified IFS Therapist, and IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant in private practice in Melbourne, online throughout Australia, and internationally. He provides 1:1 therapy for clients, and supports professionals through individual and group supervision/consultation.