What Is Unblending in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy offers a groundbreaking way of understanding our inner world. At its core, IFS sees the mind as made up of "parts", each with its own perspectives, emotions, and roles. Some parts are wounded, some are protective, and all have - and are - trying their best to help us survive. But one of the most critical concepts within this model, and central to the flow of the model is the process of unblending. What is unblending, and what does it mean in IFS, and what is it about this concept that matters so much for trauma healing? Here I'll attempt to help you start recognising and practicing unblending both in your own inner work and in your daily life. When you start to get unblending, it will give you a whole new perspective on "being with" a part, rather than being flooded by it's feelings.

What Is Unblending in IFS Therapy?

In IFS Therapy, unblending refers to the process of separating one (or more) of your internal parts from your Self. When you’re "blended" with a part, you become that part in the moment, experiencing the world through its lens. You might not even realize a part has taken over because its emotions, thoughts, and beliefs feel like you. Unblending helps you get some space from the part so you can relate to it from a place of Self, rather than react from it. This is key in IFS because change happens when your Self, your calm, compassionate, curious inner leader, can be with parts in a connected relationship, not be consumed by them and their feelings or perspective.

Why Is Unblending Important in IFS?

Without unblending, it’s hard to do any meaningful work because there is no space for a relationship between the Self and the part/s. Imagine in the external world, trying to help a scared child while the child's parent is overwhelmed and panicking themselves. This is what it is like to be blended in IFS. Being blended with a fearful (or any other) part, means you can't access the calm, grounded presence needed to truly listen, understand, and help that part.

Here’s what makes unblending so essential:

1. Access to Self-Energy: Unblending creates space for compassion, curiosity, and clarity to emerge, qualities of what IFS calls the Self.

2. Perspective and Insight: When you're unblended (the Self has some space from the part), you can see your part’s emotions as real, valid, but not all-consuming and overwhelming. This gives you more choice in how you respond.

3. Healing Relationships with Parts: Parts need to feel seen and understood by the Self to being to feel the possibility of change. Unblending makes this relational work possible.

4. Reducing Reactivity: Many emotional triggers come from blended parts. Unblending reduces the chance of being hijacked by old events and patterns or intense emotional states that are being channeled in from the past.

What Does Blending Look Like?

Blending can happen in subtle or extreme ways. Here are a few common signs you’re blended with a part:

• You feel completely taken over by an emotion like anger, anxiety, or shame.

• Your thoughts are rigid or all-or-nothing (e.g., “I’ll always be like this.”).

• You notice a strong impulse to act quickly, defend yourself, or withdraw.

• You can't find any internal distance from your current state, it feels like the truth.

  
  

For example, if a perfectionist part is blended, you might feel an urgent need to keep achieving or avoid failure at all costs. You might notice a self-critic being harsh internally, or fear judgment from those around you. In the moment, this feels like reality. But once you unblend, you can recognise that this is a part of you, not the entirety of your experience.

How Do You Unblend in IFS?

Unblending is a skill that gets easier with practice, especially with guidance from an IFS-trained therapist. H ere are some steps to begin unblending from a part:

1. Notice the Part That’s Present

Feeling a bit activated? Take a big, deep breath, and feel your feel on the floor. Then start to tune into what you're thinking, feeling, or if there is some activation in your body. Is there some physical tension? A strong emotional charge? A rigid, repeated thought pattern? T hese are signs that a part is active and you are currently blended.

2. Name what's going on

Give the part some definition. You might say, “There’s a part of me that’s really anxious right now,” or “A part of me wants to shut down.” Naming it helps separate you (the Self) from the part.

3. Invite or ask the part to give you some space

You can literally say, internally: “Would you like to give me some space so I can get to know you?” This might feel strange at first, but parts usually respond well when asked respectfully.

4. Check If You’re in some sense of Self-energy

When unblended, you’ll likely feel more calm, open, curious, or compassionate. In IFS, this is what’s called being in “Self-energy.” If you're still highly activated or judgmental, you may still be blended with another part.

5. Relate to the Part

Once you’re unblended, you can begin to get to know the part by letting it feel as though it is not alone in there, maybe starting to ask it questions from a place of curiosity, and understanding its story.

Common Challenges in Unblending

Unblending isn’t always easy, particularly as you are starting with IFS. Some parts are so strong or protective that they resist giving space. Here are a few common challenges, and how to work with them:

• Parts Don’t Trust Self: Some parts (especially managers) don’t believe the Self is capable or trustworthy. You might need to spend time building trust with these parts before they allow unblending.

• Blending Is All You've Known: If you've been blended with a part for most of your life, stepping back can feel disorienting. Be gentle with yourself.

• Strong Emotional Activation: In trauma work, certain parts carry intense burdens. It may take more time and safety to unblend from these parts. A skilled IFS therapist can help here.

Real-Life Examples of Unblending

Let’s say you’re in a heated argument with your partner. You feel criticised, and suddenly you lash out with blame. Later, you reflect and realise a reactive, defensive part took over. In that moment, you were blended.

In contrast, imagine noticing the same reaction rising but instead saying internally: “A part of me feels hurt and wants to protect itself.” That moment of awareness is the beginning of unblending. From there, you can take a breath, access your calm, and respond differently.

Another example: You're about to give a presentation, and anxiety floods your body. Rather than powering through or spiraling into panic, you pause and say, “I notice a part of me is scared. I’m here with you.” Again, this is unblending in action.

Final Thoughts: Unblending as a Path to Freedom

Unblending in IFS Therapy isn’t about getting rid of parts or suppressing emotions. It’s about relating to your parts from your Self, rather than being overwhelmed by them. This process builds emotional flexibility, deepens self-awareness, and fosters internal connection between Self and the part/s, the foundational piece of the IFS model.

In a world that often demands we "keep it together" or battle or push through through pain, IFS offers a radically compassionate alternative. Unblending allows us to show up for ourselves and others with more presence, patience, and peace. If you're on a journey of personal growth, trauma healing, or emotional integration, learning to unblend is one of the most powerful skills you can develop. With practice, you'll discover that your Self is always there beneath the noise , ready to lead.

About the Author

Sean Cuthbert is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychology Board of Australia (PBA) Approved Supervisor, Certified IFS Therapist, and IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant in private practice in Melbourne, online throughout Australia, and internationally. He provides 1:1 therapy for clients, and supports professionals through individual and group supervision/consultation.