The Power of Presence: How "the Self" Leads Trauma Recovery in IFS

In the world of trauma therapy, the journey can sometimes feel like walking through a post-apocalyptic city, all chaos and buildings on fire. People feel like trauma stories must be retold, wounds reopened, and pain revisited. Unfortunately, inexperienced therapists who have been trained to "listen well" or do "exposure" type therapies without knowledge of cutting-edge models can inadvertently collude with the parts of clients that feel like they must do this. They then wonder why people are doing worse in the short-term, rather than better.

While there are several modalities that now offer powerful tools for working through trauma (e.g., Deep Brain Reorienting, adaptations of EMDR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, or Somatic Experiencing), without re-traumatising the client, the potential of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is one of the leading contenders for gentle, well-paced healing, especially in how it leverages a unique inner resource called the Self.

IFS offers a refreshing alternative to trauma treatment by focusing on internal relational healing rather than direct exposure. At the heart of this approach is the radical idea that every person has a core Self that is inherently wise, calm, and capable of healing. This Self is not a construct, belief, or coping mechanism; it is a real, experiential state of consciousness that can be accessed and cultivated, even in the aftermath of severe trauma.

As I've written about previously, the Self in IFS is not a part or a role we play; it’s our core essence. It's the seat of qualities like compassion, curiosity, calm, clarity, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness - often referred to as the "8 Cs". When people are operating from Self, they can relate to their inner experiences with care, presence, and non-reactivity.

This is a profound shift. Rather than being overwhelmed by trauma-related protective and wounded parts, clients in IFS learn to access the Self and relate to these parts from a place of leadership and care. And this is the exciting piece: healing doesn't require reliving trauma. It requires relating to it differently.

One of the primary reasons trauma work can be re-traumatising in other modalities is that it often focuses heavily on narrative retelling or emotional catharsis. While revisiting traumatic memories can sometimes be helpful, IFS shifts the emphasis from what happened to how it lives inside us now. Specifically, the IFS process differentiates between the events that happened, to the impact of the events on the internal system, and the meaning that was made of the events inside the person. For example, let's say a child is yelled at by a parent (the event). The child potentially feels fear and shame in relationship to the event (the impact). They come to believe that "I am unloveble" (the meaning that was made of the event, or in IFS-speak, the "burden"). Instead of needing to fully re-experience the event, the transformational piece of IFS is when the Self of the client comes to the child in the memory, then takes the time to listen, understand, and builds trust with them. That trust is the gateway to a deep, non-retraumatising experience that transforms the meaning that was made of the event.

When the Self is leading, healing unfolds at the pace that the system is ready for. This is crucial in trauma work, where many protective parts are wary of being overwhelmed again. In IFS, nothing is forced. A client doesn’t need to go to a traumatic memory before their protective parts are ready. There is no need to override inner resistance with willpower or insight.

Instead, IFS allows protectors to have a voice and express their concerns. Often, these parts have been working tirelessly for decades to keep pain at bay. When they see that the Self is present, and time is taken to build trust, they begin to relax. Only then can the system move toward the exiled parts that carry the raw pain, fear, or shame of past trauma. And when these exiled parts are finally witnessed - not by a therapist alone, but by the client’s own Self - something extraordinary happens. The exiles feel seen, felt, and understood. Instead of guessing, we actually ask Exiles, "Do you feel like I (the Self) is really getting how hard it was back then?" When their experience is really witnessed, only then can Exiles release burdens they’ve been carrying for years, or decades. And they don’t have to do it in a flood of overwhelm. They do it in an attuned field of relational safety.

Unlike many other trauma modalities, in IFS, the therapist isn’t the primary healing force. Rather, it is the client’s Self that is cast in this role. The therapist’s role is to help the client access and stay in Self-energy, especially when protectors or exiles try to take over the system. This makes IFS a deeply empowering model, where clients aren’t dependent on the therapist for insight or regulation. They are learning to become their own secure attachment figure which also changes the dynamic of trauma work. Instead of a therapist "doing something to" the client, the work becomes a collaborative unfolding led by the client’s own inner wisdom. This reduces the risk of re-traumatisation significantly, because the system itself sets the pace and direction.

Many trauma survivors enter therapy with parts that are terrified of being overwhelmed again. They may have had past experiences where therapy felt too fast, too invasive, or too emotionally intense. For example, I often get clients who come from other trauma therapies where they felt like they're functioning was compromised in the service of therapeutic progress. This is clearly a problem, because you really should be aiming to keep clients at their highest level of functioning throughout treatment. The IFS process truly respects and honours client's need to remain functional throughout treatment and not deteriorate in the process. Protective parts of the client aren't bypassed or pushed aside to rush to where the pain is. These parts are welcomed, and we spend time getting to know them, building an alliance with them.

In my opinion, this makes IFS one of the safest and most respectful ways to work with trauma. It doesn’t require people to re-live challenging events to heal them. It requires people to become curious about how their inner world adapted to survive, and to tap into their own resource of the Self to lead that inner world to safety.

The Self in IFS is therapy’s best-kept secret, not because it’s hidden, but because it’s often overlooked in favor of more dramatic or directive techniques. But this gentle, spacious, and deeply respectful approach to healing is exactly what many trauma survivors need. When the Self leads, healing happens - not through force or re-exposure, but through presence, compassion, and connection. That’s a secret worth sharing.

About the Author

Sean Cuthbert is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychology Board of Australia (PBA) Approved Supervisor, Certified IFS Therapist, and IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant in private practice in Melbourne, online throughout Australia, and internationally. He provides 1:1 therapy for clients, and supports professionals through individual and group supervision/consultation.