Looking for a therapist is a challenging process - especially if you’re someone who’s done inner work before, or is seeking to work through some deep psychological wounds, and knows the weight of choosing the right person. Navigating the maze of finding a new therapist is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" where you are faced with innumberable choices not only about therapeutic modalities, but about a therapists' beliefs about what is healing and how what they are offering actually works. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a powerful and beautiful model of therapy. But even within IFS, not every therapist will be the right match for you.

So how do you know if someone is the right fit?

The key is to ask any potential therapist challenging questions - questions that go beyond credentials and reach into how a therapist shows up, what they believe about the therapeutic process, and how they’ll walk with you through the unfolding of your inner world. These aren’t job interview questions. They’re invitations for your protective parts to listen, for your to tune into your own intuition and trust what is needed for your systems right now.

Below are 10 questions that may help guide that process - whether you’re interviewing therapists over email, phone, or in a consultation session.

1. When choosing the right IFS Therapist for you, you should definitely ask, what is your training in IFS, and how do you use it in your work?

This question helps you get clear on how deeply the therapist is trained in the IFS model.

Why it matters: Surprisingly, there are some therapists list IFS among their modalities but aren't specific about not having done the formal IFS Institute approved training. They may have read a book, or have done an introductory workshop, and should be stating they are "IFS-informed" rather than "IFS-trained". I would estimate it takes about 4-5 years post Level 1 training + extensive experience to be able to tap into the depth of what is possible in IFS. So, therapists who are "IFS-trained" at Levels 1, 2 and/or 3, with extensive experience will be able to do much deeper work than those who are "IFS-informed" who may just view the model as a "tool" rather than something more complete. While credentials don’t tell the whole story, they do give you insight into how grounded the therapist is in the model.

What to listen for: When choosing the right IFS Therapist for you, they should be able to explain how they use the IFS model to conceptualise your specific issues, how IFS shows up in session, and speak specifically to the depth of their training (e.g., IFS Institute Level 1, 2, 3, and/or Certification, Approved Clinical Consultant status).

2. How do you work with protective parts?

This question helps assess whether the therapist will honour your system's protective parts (Managers and Firefighters) rather than trying to bypass or override them.

Why it matters: If you’ve experienced trauma, you probably have parts that are wary, guarded, or even skeptical about therapy. Those parts aren’t in the way, they are the way. For most people I see, these parts have been pivotal in your survival up until this point. I would argue that everyone needs a therapist who sees that too. If you're therapist is in a rush to heal your Exiles (parts holding attachment wounds or trauma), this shows both inexperience, and can be dangerous for your day-to-day functioning. You should be kept to your highest level of functioning throughout the therapeutic process, and respecting your protective parts aids in achieving this.

What to listen for: They should talk about meeting protectors with respect, building trust slowly, and never pushing parts into anything they’re not ready for.

3. What happens in a typical IFS session with you?

You should have some understanding of what to expect going into the therapy, as this can help your system feel safer going in. I would argue that this is part of gaining informed consent from the client for what will happen in the therapy. But you'd be surprised how often I talk to clients and ask the ones who've been in therapy before, what type of therapy they had or what was the modality called, only to be told that their previous therapist didn't actually name the therapy or weren't explicit about what they were doing with the client. I mean, would you consent to an operation with a surgeon, and accept not being told what they were going to do with their scalpel?

Why it matters: IFS therapists vary widely in style. Some guide more structured internal work each session, while others follow what organically arises. Knowing how they work helps your parts orient.

What to listen for: Look for clarity, but also flexibility. The therapist should be able to offer structure and honour the pacing that feels right for you and your parts' needs.

4. What is your experience working with people who’ve experienced trauma?

If you’re a trauma survivor, this question is essential.

Why it matters: IFS is powerful for people seeking to heal from trauma or attachment wounds, but it requires skilled and sensitive navigation. You need someone who understands dysregulation, dissociation, shame, and the nervous system - within and beyond the IFS model.

What to listen for: Your potential therapist should demonstrate experience around trauma, including working with complex trauma, attachment wounding, or developmental trauma. No model of therapy is a cure-all, so your therapist should be trained in other mind-body trauma healing modalities, such as EMDR, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy or Somatic Experiencing, Deep-Brain Reorienting, Brainspotting, or the Comprehensive Resource Model.

5. How do you support clients when they feel overwhelmed or flooded in session?

This question helps assess how attuned they are to emotional safety. IFS can be intense, particularly when extreme protective parts show up (particularly suicidal or dissociative protectors) or when you contact an Exile holding deep emotional pain.

Why it matters: IFS work can open deep emotional territory. A therapist needs to be able to slow things down, co-regulate with you, and help you reconnect to their own and your Self energy when things get intense.

What to listen for: Look for answers that reflect patience, nervous system literacy, and a belief in your system’s wisdom to go only as deep as it’s ready.

6. What if I have parts that don’t trust you or don’t want to do therapy at all?

This is a brilliant question to ask - especially if you’ve struggled with inconsistent engagement or inner resistance before.

Why it matters: A good therapist won’t pathologise resistance, in fact they'll welcome those skeptical or protective parts with compassion and curiosity and offer to make them the focus of sessions.

What to listen for: They should express relief or genuine interest in hearing that, not defensiveness. That shows they’re comfortable working with all parts of you.

7. How do you support clients in building relationships with their parts between sessions?

IFS isn’t just something that happens in the therapy room - it’s a daily practice you can carry into your life.

Why it matters: The therapeutic process takes time, and often it’s the consistent, compassionate connection you build with your parts between sessions that creates lasting change.

What to listen for: The therapist might suggest journaling, provide or direct you to guide meditations that are relevant (or have created their own), mapping your system, or simply closing your eyes, checking in with parts in quiet moments. If appropriate, they might speak about what has worked for them in their own personal work. The key is that they encourage Self-to-part connection, not dependency on the therapist.

8. How do you handle it if a rupture or misunderstanding happens between us?

No therapist is perfect. In fact, it's the imperfections that are important in making us whole. What matters most is how the therapist handles misattunement when it arises.

Why it matters: For many trauma survivors, past relationships were unsafe or inconsistent. Having a therapist who can repair relational missteps is huge for trust-building.

What to listen for: They should welcome feedback, be curious about your experience, and whether this rupture is just about you and them and now, OR is the hurt being channeled in (at least in some way) from another time, another place, and/or another important relationship in the client's life. I'm all for repairing therapeutic ruptures, but reactive apologising without the curiosity of the client's experience can be a missed opportunity. Ruptures are a part of the work and an opportunity for further exploration, not a failure.

9. Are there particular client issues or populations you feel especially experienced in working with?

Despite what some therapists may have been taught in graduate school, not every therapist can treat every type of client or every issue. I mean, would you go a restaurant that had every dish ever conceived of on the menu? Of course not. You need to them assess whether the therapist is aligned with both your personality and your needs. People should be selective about who they are letting into their lives and who they are going to be vulnerable with and therapy is no different.

Why it matters: Even within IFS, therapists have strengths and specialisations. Finding one who gets your experience or worldview can make a big difference.

What to listen for: Honesty. If something isn’t in their wheelhouse, a good therapist will say so—and may even refer you to someone who’s a better match. I will do this routinely with someone I don't feel I am the optimal therapist for, either due to the therapeutic issue they wish to address, or if my style (or brand of Self-energy) doesn't feel compatible with what the client would be benefit from.

10. What drew you to IFS, and what do you love about it?

This last question is less clinical - and more intuitive.

Why it matters: You want to know that your therapist is connected to the heart of this work. That they aren’t just following a script, but are genuinely aligned with the values of IFS: compassion, curiosity, inner harmony, and honoring the wholeness of every person.

What to listen for: Look for warmth and authenticity. For a real person who loves helping people come home to themselves.

Ultimately, choosing an IFS therapist isn’t about finding a flawless expert. It’s about finding someone whose presence feels safe enough, whose pacing feels respectful, and whose values align with the deep work of therapy. These questions are ultimately invitations - for your therapist to show up as they are, and for your system to feel into what’s right.

Even if you’re unsure after an initial consult, that’s okay too, and your therapist should be able to have an open, honest conversation about this.

In many people's childhood's you got stuck with whoever was in your family, and sometimes that was ok, and sometimes it wasn't. But you had limited choices.

You're an adult now, and this time around you get to decide.