Seeking a Deeper Understanding of the "Inner Critic": What does it Protect in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

As I've written about previously, one of the most common challenges clients face when they start to listen inside in IFS Therapy, is a harsh Inner Critic. The Inner Critic is that voice that tells us we’re not good enough, too much, too little, broken, or undeserving of love and care. It may have the energy of a bully, and there are innumerable writings from other perspectives that will tell you ways to silence/ignore/shut down the Inner Critic.

However, in the IFS model, rather than trying to eliminate the Inner Critic, we actually see this part as trying to help, or having a positive intention for the person. Viewing it as a protective part caught in an extreme role, IFS invites us to get curious about it. How come it's here? What is it trying to achieve for us? What would is it concern would happen if it stepped aside? And, most importantly: Who is the Inner Critic protecting?

The answers you get back from the Inner Critic are often surprising and deeply moving. And, what clients ultimately discover about their Inner Critic parts is that they are typically protecting our most vulnerable and wounded parts - the Exiles.

To understand the Inner Critic’s function, here's a brief recap on how the IFS model views the mind. IFS sees the mind as made up of sub-personalities or “parts,” each with its own perspective, feelings, and beliefs. These parts fall into broadly three main categories:

1. Exiles - Parts that carry burdens of past pain, trauma, or unmet needs.

2. Managers - Proactive parts that try to keep the system safe and functional.

3. Firefighters – Reactive parts that step in to soothe or distract when the pain of Exiles breaks through.

The Inner Critic is generally a type of Manager. Its job is to keep Exiles and their pain hidden. The Inner Critic does this by proactively preventing the emotional flooding, vulnerability, and/or shame that might come from their activation. It does this by criticising us before someone else can, pushing us to be perfect, or warning us not to be too visible, too emotional, or have too many needs. On the face of it, this sounds cruel, but if you consider how a child survives a family environment that is shaming, and it's dangerous to be seen, heard, or have emtional needs, the critic's job becomes a matter of survival.

Who does the Inner Critic Protect?

Below, I explore common types of Exiles that Inner Critics tend to protect. Each of these types of Exiles carries a specific wound, and the Inner Critic adapts it's strategy to try and keep that wound from being triggered, and remain hidden.

1. Shamed Exiles

These Exiles carry deep feelings of not being good enough, often stemming from early criticism from important external adults, humiliation, or high expectations. The Inner Critic tries to prevent these parts from being exposed again by preemptively criticising us. The message is something akin to, "You're going going to embarrass yourself, so don't even try." In this case, the protective intent of the Inner Critic is, that if the part beats the external person, or the world to it, the Exile won't be hurt again.

2. Abandoned or Rejected Exiles

These Exiles hold the pain of being left, neglected, or unwanted, often in childhood. The Inner Critic steps in to prevent connection or emotional neediness, fearing that rejection will happen again. The message of the Inner Critic in this case is, "Stop needing other people because they'll just leave you." The protective intent of the Inner Critic is that no-one can abandon you if you're emotionally self-sufficient. This type of Exile is particularly common in men, and those with what is usually termed as "avoidant attachment".

3. Unlovable or Unworthy Exiles

These Exiles believe they are undeserving of love. This belief may arise from the early experience of a caregiver whose love was highly conditional, where the child experienced emotional neglect, or identity-based rejection. The Inner Critic often becomes perfectionistic in an effort to earn love. The message of the Inner Critic here is, "You need to be better, more successful, or more attractive." The protective intent in this case is that if the person becomes "perfect", someone will finally love them in the way they need.

4. Powerless or Helpless Exiles

This type of Exile often has early experiences rooted in experiences of abuse, domination, or neglect. The young parts carry feelings of weakness or powerlessness. The Inner Critic works to suppress these parts, fearing their vulnerability will make the system unsafe. The Inner Critic will send messages like, "Don't be so weak", or "Toughen Up!" Again, this is something I commonly see in male clients, the protective intent of the Inner Critic being, if you're strong and totally in control, no-one can possibly hurt you again.

5. Lonely or Isolated Exiles

These Exiles hold feelings of deep disconnection or the pain of being unseen, unheld, or left out. Often the early experience of these Exiles was so profound, they even go as far as to feel as they "dont' exist". The Inner Critic adapts to this by blocking potential emotional connection to others or shame one's longing for closeness. The message of the Inner Critic in this case is something akin to, "You don't need anyone. You can do it all yourself." The protective intent is then, if you don't have needs, and you don't reach out, you won't experience rejection.

6. Angry or Rageful Exiles

These Exiled parts carry buried anger or resentment from past unfairness, injustice, boundary violations, or betrayal. If anger was punished in the past, the Inner Critic may suppress it to further avoid consequences. This is a type of adaptation I often see in female clients as they often carry a cultural burden of having to suppress their anger because of a cultural belief that "nice girls" don't show anger. The Inner Critic in this case carries a message of suppressing the natural response to injustice by saying something like, "Calm down, you're being so dramatic." The protective intent of the Exile is then if it keeps the anger of the Exile hidden, the person will stay safe and be accepted/acceptable.

When clients start to see that their Inner Critic is not a villain but as trying to help, this creates the conditions for things inside to shift. Instead of battling the Inner Critic, they can turn toward it with curiosity and compassion, allowing a relationship to begin with this extreme Manager, and for the potential of deep healing to begin. With repeated connection and trust, the Inner Critic may come to reveal the Exile it protects whose story can witnessed and ultimately unburdened. This then sets the scene for the Inner Critic to relax, releasing its harsh strategies, and potentially transforming into something like a supportive advisor, motivator, or inner advocate. So, over time the relationship with the Inner Critic can move from one of conflict to one of cooperation. When this shift happens, clients often experience profound relief. Most importantly, they can stop fighting themselves, and finally offer the care and connection those young Exiles have been waiting for.

So, here's an experiment for you:

Next time when a critical voice arises within you, try asking:

• “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t criticise me right now?"

Take the first thing you hear in answer to this question, and this will reveal some information both the protective function of the Inner Critic, and the Exile that part is protecting.

Remember, the Inner Critic is not your enemy, and it's not trying to hurt you. If you can get curious about it, you will find it is one of your fiercer protective parts, doing its best with outdated tools. By understanding the Inner Critic from a curious place, you can start to build a deeper relationship with it, and find out which Exile it guards, you can potentially transform your inner landscape from one of self-attack to self-leadership.