What are the 6F's of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy?

One of the most common questions people ask when they first hear about Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is: “Okay, but how do you actually get to know a part of yourself?”

That’s where the 6F’s of IFS come in. (IFS loves it's mnemonic devices e.g., 8C's, 5P's, etc). The 6F's are a simple framework developed to guide you step-by-step in building a real, compassionate relationship with the different parts of your inner world. Think of it as a roadmap for conversations inside - conversations that can be just as important, if not more, than the ones we have outside with friends, partners, or colleagues.

When you follow the 6F’s, you’re not just learning about a part. You’re listening in a way that brings healing, connection, and a sense of wholeness.

Let’s walk through each step.

1. Find the Part

The first step is simply to find the part. You don’t need to go searching with a flashlight in your psyche. Instead, you invite the part to show up by noticing where your attention naturally goes.

Maybe you’ve been hearing a critical voice in your head telling you that you’re not good enough. Or perhaps you feel a tight knot in your stomach whenever you think about work. In IFS, those are clues: a thought, an emotion, or even a body sensation is usually how a part makes itself known.

You might ask yourself gently:

• Where am I noticing this part in or around my body?

• Is it more like an image, a voice, or a feeling?

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Finding the part means slowing down enough to say, “I see you. I notice you’re here.”  Already, this step begins to shift things because instead of being blended with the part, you’re starting to relate to it.

2. Focus on the Part

Once you’ve found it, the next step is to focus. In everyday life, we tend to push difficult feelings away or distract ourselves with phones, food, etc. But IFS invites us to do the opposite, to turn toward the part with curiosity.

You might close your eyes, take a breath, and really notice:

• What’s it like to be with this part right now?

• How does my body feel as I focus on it?

  
  

Sometimes, the very act of focusing creates a shift. Parts that have felt ignored often soften just because you’re finally paying attention.

3. Flesh Out the Part

Now comes the stage where we flesh out the part. This is about getting to know its qualities in more detail, almost like describing a character in a story.

You might ask:

• What does this part look like? Does it have an image, a shape, or a color?

• How old does it feel?

• Does it remind me of someone in my past?

  
  

For example, a client might describe their anxious part as “a small child pacing the floor in a dark room,” or their inner critic as “a stern teacher with crossed arms.” These descriptions aren’t random; they’re the part’s way of showing you who it is and what it carries. When you flesh out a part, you begin to see it not as a vague mood or overwhelming emotion, but as a distinct being inside you. And, it gives you something to start to relate with.

4. Feel Toward the Part

Here’s where IFS becomes different from traditional approaches. After fleshing out a part, we pause and ask: “How do I feel toward this part?”

This simple question reveals a lot. If you feel open, curious, and compassionate then that’s a sign your Self (the calm, centered core of you) is present. That’s the state we want to connect from.

But sometimes, other parts jump in. You might feel irritated: “I wish this anxious part would just shut up.”  Or fearful: “If I really listen to my sadness, I’ll get stuck there forever.”

In IFS, we don’t force compassion. In fact, if we try and do that, it's some manager part of you trying to help, and the target part won't listen anyway! Instead, we acknowledge when other parts are around. You can ask them gently to step back for a while, explaining that you’d like to get to know the original part better. This respectful pacing is what makes IFS so safe and effective.

5. Befriend the Part

Now we come to the heart of the process: befriending the part. This doesn’t mean excusing everything it does or agreeing with its strategies. It means seeing past the surface behaviour to the positive intent underneath.

For example, your inner critic might sound cruel, but when you ask why it speaks that way, it might say, “If I keep the pressure on, maybe you won’t fail.”  Or your angry part might admit, “I shout so you won’t get hurt again like last time.”

When you recognise that every part — even the harshest — is trying to protect you in some way, it changes the tone of the relationship. The shame begins to lift. You no longer see yourself as broken. You see that inside you is a whole team of protectors doing their best with the tools they have.

6. Fear — Asking About the Part’s Fears

Next we explore the fears of the part. This is often the deepest and most tender stage. You ask questions like:

• What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do your job?

• What might go wrong if you let go, even just a little?

  
  

You’ll often discover that parts are carrying very old burdens, fears rooted in childhood experiences, past trauma, or long-standing patterns of shame.

For instance, a perfectionist part might confess: “If I don’t keep you working hard, people will leave you.”  Or a numbing part might say: “If I stop shutting down, the pain will overwhelm you.”

Hearing these fears with compassion allows the part to trust you more. It may not let go right away, but it begins to sense that it no longer has to carry everything alone.

Why the 6F’s Matter in IFS?

You may be realising that the 6F's aren't a rote process, but like external relationships are a fluid and repeatable process for connecting with parts of our inner world. Instead of being stuck in endless cycles of self-criticism or shame, you have a pathway for dialogue and healing.

• Find locates the part.

• Focus turns your attention inward.

• Flesh out brings clarity.

• Feel toward checks for Self energy.

• Befriend builds trust.

• Fear uncovers the deeper story.

  
  

Each step slows you down just enough to relate rather than react. Over time, this practice transforms your relationship with these parts of your psyche. The critic becomes less harsh. The anxious part less frantic. The wounded part less alone.

As you practice this process, you may notice that life feels less like an inner battlefield and more like a dialogue with old friends. Some parts may soften. Others may surprise you with their wisdom. And slowly, you’ll experience what IFS therapists see every day: when parts are truly heard and understood, they don’t need to fight so hard. They can relax. And you can live more fully from your Self-leadership.

About the Author

Sean Cuthbert is a Clinical Psychologist, Psychology Board of Australia (PBA) Approved Supervisor, Certified IFS Therapist, and IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant in private practice in Melbourne, online throughout Australia, and internationally. He provides 1:1 therapy for clients, and supports professionals through individual and group supervision/consultation.